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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?